Long walk back to Base Camp today.  A couple of weeks ago it took us two days to make this walk.  We made it in under 6 hours walking although we stopped at every wide spot in the trail.  We are now back in BC wondering when we will start up.  The next time I start up will be for the summit.  It will take us four or five days to get to C4 for our summit night push.  In the meantime there is a tons of things I need to get done before moving up.  This is an apprehensive time.

I am often asked about the fear factor climbing Everest.  I once wrote a essay on fear.  Here goes.

Being Shot At

It started with a crack high on the ridge we were paralleling in the Russian Caucasus.  A small fist size rock had given way.  In just a few seconds the rock had dislodged several others.  What started as a mild curiosity quickly turned into a “oh shoot” at least in the PG version.  There were now rocks as big as small cars tumbling down.  As quickly as it started it was over.  The closest rocks had passed us about 100’ away.  Everybody started laughing at once.  I always find it odd how laughter is the sponge that soaks up all that excess adrenalin.  Winston Churchill once said “there is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at, and missed”.  The discussion quickly changed to everyone’s idea about the best course of action.  It is pretty well accepted that in the case of a rock slide your best option is to face the threat and play dodge rock if you are exposed like we were.  Try to run and you might never see what hit you.  I think that is an appropriate metaphor for life.  You can’t outrun your fears.  The best you can do is face them.

Our fear is as unique as our fingerprint.

My wife loves the rides at the fair.  I won’t get on them.  Most people would be amazed at how many things scare me.  I was once sitting around base camp discussing the blind guy who had climbed Everest.  It was a pretty amazing achievement for the whole team involved.  Of course I had to make the smart remark that “it was easier for him because he didn’t have to look down!”  That led into a discussion of the fear of heights.  I was shocked that at least half the people there, like me, have had to overcome a fear of heights.  I put on the seat belt to take the trash to the end of the driveway.  On the other hand my best friend has a very low fear of anything.  We once flew through some weather bad enough to hit his head on the top of my plane.  When we came out the other side I was wiping my sweaty palms on my pants and he was casually combing his hair where his head had hit the ceiling.

There are three ways people react to fear: action, inaction, over reaction.

I have been involved in saving four people over the years.  Twice it happened scuba diving and once I and a friend dragged a dying climber six hours down a mountain to lower altitude and help.  That was more about endurance and determination to keep going as long as he was breathing than a reaction to a crisis.  The fourth person I helped saved stands out to me because it showed all three reactions that people exhibit in high stress, high fear situations.  We were on the approach trail to a climb and I had been following this young lady for a while.  I had noticed that she was very uncomfortable with some of the drop offs along the trail.  We came to a small water fall that was maybe 30 feet high.  It was possible to step from rock to rock along its edge and cross it without getting too wet.  One of the guys had stopped half way across and was holding out his hand helping steady people in her group as they crossed.  I just had a bad feeling and unbuckled my back pack.  She took about three steps and panicked.  She tried to jump the rest of the way and in a split second had gone over the fall with this guy holding her backpack.  I threw my pack down ran out to the cliff and was able to lay down and grab hold of one of her legs.  He and I lay there holding her dangling over the cliff and the rushing waters below until a couple of others finally worked their way out and helped pull her up.  In that small incident you can easily see the three reactions to stress and fear.  She over reacted making her situation worse and in fact self fulfilling.  Many others under reacted.  They just froze.  Then there were a handful that acted.  The problem is no ones knows who is who and how they will react in a crisis.  One of the frozen was a former Everest summiter.

Now there are times when the best action and only action is to do nothing.  I had a flight instructor tell me one time that there were very few emergencies I couldn’t make worse.  Some years ago my insurance company required me to undergo simulator training on a more complex larger plane I had bought.  A couple of friends were also going through recurrent training at this place in Florida so we went down together.  At the end of the second day I had finished early and went around to the large room where they were flying the simulator.  These simulators are usually the front end of a real plane that has been mounted in this dark room with projectors around the windows.  However most of the flying simulates night or clouds and there is nothing to be seen outside of the plane windows.  You fly like that for hours, in the dark, with just the monotonous drone of the engines and occasional flying challenges thrown in by the instructor seated at a consol in back.  I couldn’t resist.  I put my finger to my lips and the instructor just shrugged.  I got down and crawled along the side of the airplane until I was right next to the pilot side window.  Then I slammed my hand against the side of the plane and threw myself across the windshield and screamed “bud strike”.  I’ll never forget the look in their eyes.  When I stumbled out to the corridor my instructor and theirs were leaned up against the wall laughing so hard they were crying.  They were good sports but the one thing I had not thought through was that we all had another day in that simulator.  The next morning’s four hours flying the simulator were some of the tensest I can ever remember knowing at any minute they would retaliate.  They never did put me out of my misery.  I finished totally exhausted.

Incremental exposure eliminates fear

The best way to overcome fear is by exposing oneself to it in small increments.  If you climb up one foot today you can probably make two feet tomorrow and then three the day after, Too often people are overwhelmed by their fear without taking the small steps that will let them face it.  I have helped several people over the years overcome their fear of flying and in each case we did it the same way.  First I met them at the airport and showed them the plane.  We set in it for a while and talked about whatever they found interesting.  That was it.  The next time they wanted to take another step we got in the plane and I started the engines.  We listen to the sounds the flaps made.  Listen to the radios and fans and then shut it down and called it a day.  The next time we actually taxied around the airport for awhile.  Sometimes we did this on multiple days maybe weeks apart.  I always worked on their schedule.  When they were ready for the next step I made a high speed taxi run on the runway without lifting off.  Finally the day came when they were ready to fly.  I let the airplane become airborne for a few seconds touched back down and called it a day.  When they were ready to fly we picked a smooth day.  I let the tower know our plans.  We waited until there was no other planes around and then we took off circled and landed.  Eventually they were able to fly commercially.  I think this same technique can be used to eliminate most fear.

Night Fears

All this is great for what I refer to as “day fears”.  Unfortunately it is the “night fears”, the worries that crawl into bed with you and steal your sleep that are the most destructive in our lives.  I think all of us experience this to some degree or another.  We lay down with worries about finance and relationships and myriad things that we can do nothing about in the dark.  I’m probably as bad as anyone about worrying about things I can’t control.

I was diving one night off Cozumel with some friends.  It had been a beautiful night when we went in the ocean.  However when we surfaced later it was raining and you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face.  Neither was our dive boat anywhere to be seen.  We held on to each other so no one would drift away in the dark.  All was fine for a while until one of my friends leaned over and said “did you bump me?”  Now personally I don’t eat fish but I wasn’t sure I could expect reciprocity.  I checked to see if my knife was there.   I know it was very unlikely I could have stopped a shark in the dark with a knife but that wasn’t my plan.  I was just going to cut my friend and swim like crazy.   All kidding aside I really did check my knife.  Eventually the boat showed up.  It occurred to me once safely on board (isn’t that the way it always is) that it isn’t usually the shark that gets you but the thought of the shark.

When my kids were small I would quote a verse to them from the Bible “for God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind.”  I take some comfort that it isn’t God’s desire that we live in fear of things we can’t control.  That said it is the most difficult thing in the world to control our worry.  I think all we can do is recognize that it isn’t the shark but the thought of the shark that keeps you awake.

When I was just a small boy I occasionally spent time with my Grandmother in Florida.  I still vividly remember one night sitting out on the porch surrounding by the dark woods when we heard a panther scream.  It was the most spine tingling think I ever heard.  Scared me good.  I often run at night and I still occasionally think about that panther’s scream.  I have always imagined all kind of horrible things.  Just recently I learned the only time panthers scream is when they are mating.  Kind of embarrassing to find out after 40 years of telling that story and imagining all these horrible things that it was just two big cats, well, you know.

Yesterday there was a tremendous avalanche in the ice fall and base camp.  No one was hurt and the avalanche did no damage to the route but I was told this morning that 4 teams have abandoned their climb.  It’s not the shark…